Motherhood: The Career Path I Never Saw Coming

“How did you know it was the right time to quit your corporate job and stay home with Marin?”

I have received countless emails and DMs with a version of this question over the last six months. I’ve stewed and stewed on the right answer, but the truth is, I still don’t know what the heck I’m doing. I realize that’s an incredibly unhelpful response. I don’t have the perfect answer nor do I have the recipe to determine if my decision is the best decision for others. What I do know is I’ve found a lot of comfort and guidance in hearing others stories, so maybe being a friend and sharing my own story is a good place to start.

Let’s back way up…

I graduated from Purdue University in May 2011 with a BS in Industrial Engineering. That July, I started my first full time job in the Healthcare division of an Accounting, Consulting and Technology Firm. It was a fast paced industry - constantly in a state of change, full of workaholics, and an environment forever in search of more. I was given a lot of wonderful opportunities and, amidst a rapidly growing industry, advanced quickly. I questioned my career path many times. I always envisioned myself as a working woman, but the consulting world just didn't seem like a long term fit for me. The problem? I had NO idea what I wanted to do next.

Fast forward to the winter of 2018 when I found out I was pregnant with Marin. Suddenly my focus became less about my next career move and more about squeezing a little one into my busy world. I had zero experience with babies, but there was no doubt in my mind I could make it all work. I’d just add another title to my resume - Mom.

Marin was born in July 2019. I was fortunate to have 12 weeks of maternity leave and never questioned sending her to daycare when I returned to work - until it was actually time to make it happen. Those 12 weeks were the biggest whirlwind of my life. I missed my old life and routines terribly, often looking forward to returning to work and some sort of normalcy. What I didn’t realize, however, was that the first morning I would drop her off at daycare, every alarm in my body would scream at me that I was LEAVING MY BABY WITH STRANGERS. GO BACK, GO BACK! Hormones are no joke. The thing is, as hard as it was to drop her off that morning and each morning thereafter, staying with her all day every day was equally as scary. I barely felt qualified to have a child, let alone take care of her by myself all day.

I returned to work in October 2019. By November, it was clear something had to give. This new routine wasn’t working, so I worked with my boss to figure out a reduced schedule. (I’ll forever be grateful for a company and team so willing to work with me!) As it turns out, doing everything I used to do AND having a baby was just a liiittttlllleee bit tougher than I imagined. We reduced Marin’s daycare down to 4 days/week, and I thought it was going to be the perfect compromise. I could still work AND spend a whole day with Marin each week. Success!

The thing is…. I can’t half-ass anything. It’s no one’s fault but mine. It’s how I’m wired. What I thought was going to be the perfect compromise quickly spiraled into complete chaos in all parts of my life. I may have been on a reduced schedule at work, but that didn’t mean the emails or work stopped. It just meant I now had to cram the same amount of work into fewer days (to be clear - this was my own fault. I could have said no to things and my team was fully supportive, I just can’t. I can’t say no to work and throw it on the heaping plates of others. Like I said, it’s a ME problem.) It wasn’t just a work versus Marin debate, though. When was I supposed to clean the house? Cook dinner? Do the laundry? Be a wife? A daughter? A sister? A friend? What about hobbies? Am I still allowed to have hobbies??? And if yes, WHEN?! With what time?!!!!!

Here’s the thing… I know woman and men juggle all of these things every single day. I had friends and coworkers that seemed to have figured out a solution, so I started asking questions. How? When? Where? Why? The resounding answer…. they weren’t doing it all. They picked their top priorities and let everything else fall where it may - letting somethings go away completely, hiring assistance for others, and everything in between. What were my priorities?

I SO BADLY wanted to do it all. I wanted to prove to myself that I could juggle absolutely everything with perfection. It felt like the ultimate challenge for someone that loved order, routine, and a schedule. The thing is, no matter how efficient I could make myself and my days, there weren’t enough hours for it all.

I can do anything; I just can’t do everything.

So I prioritized. I prioritized what was best for my family, my team, and me. Tyler listened to me go round and round and round, supporting my decision no matter what. For that, I’ll forever be grateful. At the end of the day, setting my ego aside was the toughest obstacle. It was engrained in me that I could do anything - I just never realized anything couldn’t mean everything.

The final consensus? I was entering a new season in life, and change was good. My career, while “successful” by any textbook definition, was in need of a new path. A path less traveled and full of the unknown. A path with no predetermined outcomes and a leap of faith. A path of less, WAY less. My corporate job hadn’t been serving me well for quite sometime, and I knew it wasn’t a healthy long term fit. It was time.

In January 2020, with the start of the new year, I started talking to my boss about a transition plan. I stayed through the middle of February and then cut ties with the only full-time job I’ve ever known. To do what? I had absolutely no idea, but here’s the thing, it WAS NOT to become a full-time Mom. Yes, I wanted to spend more time with Marin, but I fully intended to continue working. A few awesome opportunities had presented themselves, and I thought this might actually be the time for me to consider starting my own business. And you know what happened a month later? COVID. Ha! We were still sending Marin to daycare 3 days/week even after I quit my corporate job, but with lockdown in March, the three of us were suddenly at home all day everyday.

And you know what? It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The lockdown was the excuse I mentally needed to care for Marin full time without an agenda or expectation. Her daycare was closed, we had no other care options, starting a business in the midst of a pandemic didn’t seem smart or feasible, and I had recently quit my corporate job, so it made sense that I would care for her full time. Surely it would only be for a few weeks or something, right? Ha, again!

These past seven+ months have been one of the most eye opening periods of my life. Emotionally. Physically. The state of the world has forced me to slow down, way down. I’ve never been so keenly aware of what is truly important to me and what I need to achieve success in life. We live in a society where we’re told that the only way to be happy is to do more, have more, and be more. IT ISN’T TRUE. Being a Mom, Wife, and Homemaker is the career path I never saw coming, but it’s already my greatest achievement.

What’s next? I have absolutely no idea. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I’m content, happy, and completely okay with that.